The Deacon

It happens every year during ordination season. Newly ordained deacons receive gifts from family and friends — nicely wrapped boxes that contain stoles, medals, statues, icons or prayer cards depicting one of the two great saints of the diaconate, St. Stephen or St. Lawrence. Once in a while, someone might also share an image of another legendary deacon, St. Francis of Assisi. And that’s about it.

But are we forgetting someone?

The fact is, there’s another servant saint who is too often overlooked — and who, in fact, is hiding in plain sight. He stands before us every week when we attend Mass and he is there every time the deacon assists at the altar.

I’m speaking, of course, of St. Joseph.

As far as we know, he never preached a homily, served at a liturgy, packed sandwiches for a food pantry, helped baptize a child or witness a marriage. But his life stands before us as a humbling example of a man who lived a truly diaconal life, in ways large and small. He understood the challenges of juggling a job, a family and devotion to God. We need to include him in the pantheon of saints to inspire, uplift and intercede on behalf of deacons.

He gets us. Do we get him?

A few years ago, I wrote a book about the ancient devotion known as the Seven Sorrows of St. Joseph, and I reflected on what we can learn from this elusive and somewhat mysterious silent saint. Working on that book, “Befriending St. Joseph” (Ave Maria, $13.95), helped me realize that so much of what we do as deacons — as servants, as ministers, as husbands, as fathers, as workers — is, really, downright Josephite. Joseph can serve as a model and guide for us.

In our home, my wife and I have a poster with sayings from Robert Fulghum’s best-selling book, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” (Random House, $17). The poster includes timeless pearls like: “Take a nap every afternoon.” “Be aware of wonder.” “Don’t take things that aren’t yours.” “Flush.” That’s good advice whether your age is 5 or 65. In that spirit, I’d like to offer a few of my own ideas about the diaconate and St. Joseph. The more I think about it, all I really need to know about being a deacon I learned from St. Joseph.

If it’s true for me, I suspect it may be true for others, too.

Joseph’s Tips

Here, then, are a few tips I’ve picked up from St. Joe:

Listen to angels. One of the enduring lessons of St. Joseph’s life is that he had the almost boundless capacity to dream. God directed his life in surprising ways, and it happened while he slept, through the gentle admonitions of an angel. “Do not be afraid,” he was told, in a refrain that echoes throughout Scripture (and which, of course, very pointedly repeats the words spoken to Mary — again, by an angel). Every deacon who has answered the call to this vocation has done it, in part, by listening. Angels have spoken in our lives, in one way or another — through friends, family, pastors, parishioners. Maybe we weren’t sleeping when it happened, but an encounter with something mysterious and divine made us suddenly awake to possibility and purpose. Joseph’s life teaches us to keep our ears and our hearts open.

Stay close to Mary. The Blessed Mother was the first disciple. And I would suggest that St. Joseph was the second one — and that the two of them together fulfilled a profoundly diaconal role, bringing Christ into a waiting world. Joseph, of course, had special responsibility to care for the woman who was the living vessel for the Son of God — to protect her, shelter her and watch over lovingly the child she brought into the world. It’s not much of a leap to realize that in a similar way, a deacon cares for the sacred vessels of the Mass and the Body of Christ — and he does it, like St. Joseph, with tenderness and devotion.

Likewise, Mary’s great “Yes” to God’s will for her life serves as the model for deacons, who commit their lives to receive the Gospel, preach it and live it, however God might plan it. Staying close to the Mother of God, and deepening devotion to her, can only deepen the deacon’s devotion to acting like Mary, and obeying faithfully God’s will.

Be prepared. St. Joseph would be the first to tell you, from his own experience, that you never know what God has in store for you. (Or, to quote an old Yiddish proverb: “If you want to hear God laugh, just tell him your plans.”)

Joseph, of course, was a frequent traveler, often suddenly uprooted from his hometown to go to Bethlehem, Egypt or Jerusalem. In my book, I wrote that “Joseph is the patron for all who might be fearful of the future, and for all who are forced to go a difficult and dangerous way … he stands before God’s throne for anyone who is anxious or worried about what is coming.”

Deacons can often find themselves assigned where they didn’t plan to go, sometimes uprooted from a familiar parish or neighborhood. And, of course, a life in ministry is often unpredictable. Any given Sunday can be full of surprises. A deacon might find himself vesting for Mass and hear the priest say unexpectedly, “Oh, by the way, you’re preaching today.” Look to Joseph for inspiration and (here comes that phrase again), “Do not be afraid.” Be like Joseph. As I tell students when I teach homiletics: every Sunday, be prepared!

Embrace humility. Let’s face it, in the Holy Family, Mary and Jesus get most of the attention (and all the lines in Scripture). But Joseph knew what he had to do — often unnoticed, in the shadows. He provided a life and a livelihood, a home and roots. He had the incomparable privilege of being the foster father of the Son of God, the spouse of the Blessed Mother and an eyewitness to the first chapters of the greatest story ever told. St. Joseph’s life was devoted to making that story possible — serving however he could, wherever he could. He was there to assist, support and, most importantly, serve.

And for any deacon who might feel slighted or marginalized, we can take a cue from the quiet member of the Holy Family. It’s worth remembering that Joseph’s contributions go largely unmentioned in the Gospels — and nothing he said is recorded in Scripture. (The Eucharistic prayer of the Mass didn’t even include his name until the mid-20th century.) But Joseph did what God required of him, always with fidelity and love, grateful for the angels who came into his dreams and guided him every step of the way. We can do no less.

Preach with your life. In words often attributed to him, St. Francis of Assisi supposedly advised his friars to, “Preach always; use words only when necessary.” St. Joseph shows us how it’s done — and he reminds us that sometimes the most effective homily isn’t spoken out loud. Very often, our ambo is everyday life — at a desk, on the sidewalk, standing in line at the supermarket. It was that way for Joseph, too, who spent much of his time at a carpenter’s bench.

We don’t know much about St. Joseph’s work life, but like any carpenter he undoubtedly took what was given to him — the raw material, with knots and splinters, imperfections and holes — and made it into something better, something useful, something beautiful.

How can we as deacons do that with our daily lives?

Be a helper. A lector once made this observation to me before Mass: “You know what a deacon is?” he asked me with a smile. “He’s the priest’s helper.” I like that. It sums up our vocation with perfect simplicity and, I think, could also describe the vocation of St. Joseph.

What did Joseph do if not help God carry out his great plan for salvation by caring for Mary and Jesus? Did Mary need a place to give birth? He found one. Did they need to escape to a safer country? He found a way. Did they need to find their son when he went missing? He charted the way back to Jerusalem. He toiled away, often on the sidelines, but with an impact beyond measure.

Fred Rogers famously said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me: ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” I think that St. Joseph was one of the most critically important helpers in the Gospels. And he shows us deacon “helpers” how to fulfill that role today — with dedication, selflessness, devotion and trust. His life is a lesson in how to serve God while serving his earthly family. Finally, it’s okay not to be perfect. St. Joseph was the one member of the Holy Family who was not born free of sin. He was human. He was flawed. He had struggles, temptations and doubts. He made mistakes. So do we all!

St. Joseph reminds us that holiness is attainable, if we remain focused on what matters.

The co-cathedral of the Diocese of Brooklyn is named for St. Joseph, and it has this phrase from Scripture emblazoned on the wall: “Go to Joseph.” Those three words should serve as beautiful advice to all deacons.

Looking for a gift for that special deacon in your life? You might consider going to Joseph for some ideas, too.

The more I turn to him, the more I realize that, yes, the most important things I need to know about being a deacon I learned from St. Joseph.

This silent saint has a lot to say, if only we are willing to listen.

DEACON GREG KANDRA is the creator of “The Deacon’s Bench” blog and the author of “Befriending St. Joseph” (Ave Maria Press, $13.95