The Deacon

“What is your primary mission field?”

Several parishioners and I had gathered to discuss mission and evangelization. That question caused us to sit back and think, but I was ready when my turn came: “My primary mission field is my family.”

As a deacon and professional, the parish and workplace were obvious answers. While these provide missionary opportunities, they are not my focus. My family is.

My wife and children know and love Jesus. Why would they need me to be their missionary?

Missionary Mindset

We may think missionaries only belong on the Church’s frontier, but that is a mistake.

Missionaries sincerely — but imperfectly — model the Christian life, they invite their neighbors closer to Jesus, and they walk with them on their journey. The Church needs people like that everywhere, not just at the edge.

The diaconate is a missionary vocation. Our bishops exhorted us at our ordinations to “receive the Gospel of Christ, whose herald you have become. Believe what you read, teach what you believe, and practice what you teach.” This exhortation to receive, believe, practice and teach the Gospel is the heart of the missionary’s call!

And our families are the foundations of our missions. Our families are the people who see us as we are, who knew us before we were ordained, or who know us beyond our clerical or professional titles. All deacons — including those in the celibate state — have a family.

The mission fields of our families are not better or more worthy of our time and energy than our parishes and workplaces. We must tend those mission fields, too.

The fields of our families are like a building’s foundation. Authentic ministry requires fully integrating our diaconal vocation into our lives, especially in our homes. If we can minister to those who see us when we are tired and vulnerable, we can minister to anyone. If we cannot minister to our family, how can we expect to minister to our communities?

What does being a missionary to our families look like?

Modeling

Missionaries must demonstrate the Christian life. No one will follow a missionary who lives as if Jesus does not exist.

Modeling means living the faith visibly, authentically and humbly. Jesus warns against doing righteous deeds for show (cf. Mt 6:1-8), but he does not forbid modeling those deeds. Showing his disciples how to pray was the next thing Jesus did (Mt 6:9-13).

Speaking of prayer, it’s normal for my family to see me in our living room with my breviary or saying other prayers. I do not blow a trumpet or pray on a street corner. I let my family see me so as to set an example.

Modeling goes beyond prayer. How we respond to bad news, how we talk about people who are not in the room, and the way we treat our families are all visible parts of our faith that will prove authenticity or expose hypocrisy.

We will make mistakes. We will overreact, be stubborn or impatient, or any of the other things that people living in close communities do. We will fail to model our faith and our family will notice. These moments allow us to model humility, admitting our faults, asking forgiveness and going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation regularly.

What do you model for your family? How do you show authentic faith? What do you need to change to model the faith more effectively

Inviting

Jesus always invited people to follow him. He never used force, guilt or authority. He was willing to let disciples go, to respect their freedom (cf. Mt 19:16-22 and Jn 6:66). Missionaries do the same.

Authority has its place — I expect my family to gather every evening to pray — but that is not missionary work. We should responsibly accept any role of authority we have within our family while inviting family members to encounter Jesus more deeply.

I start by inviting my family to share my mission. This is safer because they only need to help, not do it themselves. This is easier because I can teach them how to succeed.

My family is always welcome to join me for the Liturgy of the Hours. Sometimes they do and sometimes not. I encourage my children to help in the sacristy before and after Mass. They are excellent sacristans, but they help when they like. Sharing my mission gives my family faith experiences without pressure.

Sharing my mission is good, but discovering and deepening their mission is better. Everyone has a mission and, as missionaries, we encourage finding it.

My wife and I provide opportunities to try lectio divina, Eucharistic adoration, saint devotions and other forms of encountering God. Then we observe what speaks to each member of the family and invite them to go further in that direction.

We talk frequently with our kids about their talents, skills and desires, and help them see opportunities to use them. We invite them to have the courage to follow where they are called.

How do you invite your family to share your mission and to deepen their own? Do you use authority when an invitation would be better

Walking With

Missionaries walk with others on their journey, even when unexpected turns arise.

As we model the faith and invite others to embrace the Gospel, we may become frustrated when our efforts do not get the results we want. We may see the path a family member should take and feel heartbroken when he or she refuses to follow it.

Missionaries walk with their people. They do not insist that their people walk with them.

My oldest son has not become an altar server. I have modeled being in the sanctuary countless times. I have often invited him. So far, he has declined.

I could make him learn. I could train him myself. I am confident he would obey, but I am not sure that it would help him trust and love Jesus more deeply.

As missionaries, we meet the people of the mission field where they are, not where we wish they were. We must accept the way people respond to our missionary efforts, even when it feels like we are pouring ourselves out for nothing. We are one voice among many. We are one influence among many.

We are their missionary, not their savior.

St. Paul said, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused the growth” (1 Cor 3:6). Success in our mission is measured by our docile faithfulness to God’s promptings, not by changes we see from our efforts.

Do you patiently call your family members forward while accepting the path and pace they choose?

We deacons have many mission fields. The parish, the workplace and our community are important places to thoughtfully model, invite and walk with people.

Remember that those closest to us — our families — are the ones who may need us most. If we are honest, we need them to minister to us, too!

Let’s model our faith visibly, authentically and humbly. Let’s invite others to share our mission and to find their own. Let’s walk humbly with the people God has put in our lives as we all strive to follow Jesus.

DEACON DAN BROOKE serves at the Pro-Cathedral of St. Mary in Bismarck, North Dakota.