The Deacon

Listening to and sharing with others are beautiful parts of the diaconate ministry. However, opportunities to live out our ministry rarely come with advanced notice. From hallways in the workplace to aisles in the grocery store, the indelible sacred character we received at ordination may be called upon wherever and whenever.

At the same time, deacons share the pressures and responsibilities of those seeking our listening ears or thoughtful responses. We have good and bad days in our marriages, with our children and at work. We have the obligations of lay life in addition to those of our clerical state.

How can we consistently be Christ to others, even when our hearts are distracted, anxious, confused and in need of consolation?

Monitoring Our Interior Life

Would you leave home without checking your cell phone’s battery level? Would you drive off without glancing at the fuel gauge?

We have learned, perhaps the hard way, that a smoothly running life requires disciplined attentiveness and adjustments. Our interior life is no different.

Stepping into the ministry field — any room occupied by another person — ignorant of our interior reality is more reckless than neglecting battery and fuel levels. Gas stations and electrical outlets are widely available, but repairing the damage done by thoughtless words or actions is not so easy.

We can’t expect to feel cheerful, recollected and eager to help others carry their crosses all the time. We can’t force ourselves to be gentle, patient or free from worry about our circumstances. But we can monitor what’s happening in our hearts and adjust accordingly. Here are some strategies for ministering consistently regardless of our interior circumstances. However, these strategies only help if we realize our need to leverage them.

Identify the Canary in the Coal Mine

For decades, coal miners used canaries as early warning systems for air quality. If the canary stopped singing, it was time to evacuate the mine!

Monitoring our interior lives is easier when we identify our own canaries and pay attention when they change.

Think of a time you experienced a grace-fueled desire to share God’s love with others. What fruit did that desire bear? Was that unique or typical for you?

The best canaries are our typical responses to a healthy interior life. For example, desiring to write about God is my typical response when I’m spiritually healthy. When writing becomes a chore, I know to step back and see what’s going on. Perhaps I’ve simply placed expectations on myself that make writing difficult, but it may be a sign that my interior life needs attention.

Regardless of the cause — the passive purifications of St. John of the Cross, the spiritual desolation of St. Ignatius of Loyola, or simply being down in the dumps — a deacon with an unsettled spiritual life must continue to faithfully serve and minister to God’s people.

What should we do when canaries sound the alarm?

Listen More and Talk Less

When people open up to us, we may focus on ourselves. We want to fix their situation. We want to demonstrate our wisdom and holiness. We want them to be glad they brought their struggles to us. We fear that failing to offer good advice is a sign of our inadequacy.

Overcoming these self-centered lies is hard enough on a good day. Interior discord dramatically amplifies them. Rather than ministering to others, we may be tempted to use the interaction for our consolation, to make ourselves feel better, validated and less afraid.

To minister well, deacons must focus on the other person and abandon their egos in self-forgetfulness. This requires listening, not talking. I mean active, sincere, curious and compassionate listening, not the sort of listening where we simultaneously consider a clever reply.

Listen as if the only help you have to offer is an empathetic ear encouraging the other person to pour out his problems. Listen as if God will guide and heal that person through the very act of telling his story.

A good listener is a good minister, even when his own interior life is in a tough spot. Empathy, compassion and attentive listening are safe gifts to give and are often all the other person needs.

Even if advice is appropriate, we need to be cautious giving it when our interior life is strained. Spiritually healthy deacons have a good sense for the mind of Christ. With enough listening — to the other person and the Holy Spirit — we can give reliable suggestions. But if we aren’t sure that our minds are Christ’s mind and our hearts are his heart, we would be wise to ask for time to confirm our thoughts with a trusted adviser. Delaying questionable counsel is more charitable than giving it.

Take Care of Yourself

Interior strife often clouds our sense of God’s presence. When prayer no longer satisfies our craving for spiritual consolation, we will be tempted to feed those feelings through our ministry. The deacon who uses his actions and words to console himself instead of others is in grave danger of doing much harm.

Many resources are available to help discern what God is doing within us. Perhaps we need to surrender our addiction to spiritual consolation. Maybe it’s time to finally abandon a habitual vice. It could be that our diet of media, our choice of companions or our topics of conversation need cleansing.

Whatever the cause, allowing our unmet needs to fester, our feelings unexpressed, and our struggles unaccepted leaves us exposed to the temptation to make others’ stories about us. If we are actively working through our challenges in healthy ways, they are less likely to impact our ministry.

Remember Our Diaconal Calling

Our ministry has never been about us. We don’t minister to give clever advice or to save others from their struggles. We are called to be Christ to them, particularly Christ who came to serve, not to be served.

God’s grace supplies our ministry, but not our vanity. Trying to impress, fix and save wears us out. Remembering that we are called to offer ourselves as we are, neither more nor less, gives rest. We are the only ones who expect us to give more than we have.

Times of interior struggle call us to reflect on the call that brought us into the diaconate in the first place. They call us to recognize that our ministry often flows from our own grace-infused wounds.

God wants to deliver his grace through us. Perhaps our interior suffering is nothing more than labor pain.

The Cross Is Part of the Plan

Downturns of the interior life pose challenges to our diaconal ministry, but they also present opportunities. When our interior life is upset, prudence calls us to step back and question the motives behind our words and actions. Isn’t this something we should regularly do, anyway?

Spiritual suffering is difficult but can bear excellent fruit with prayer and care. Today’s interior difficulty may equip us to relate to others’ struggles more effectively tomorrow.

Finally, spiritual growing pains are part of Christian discipleship, and deacons are no exception. Taking up our cross daily is part of the plan. Interior strife may be difficult, but it is far better than the comfort of complacency. Interior strife means something is moving, stirring, within you. Find God in it. Then, follow him.

DEACON DAN BROOKE serves at the Pro-Cathedral of St. Mary in Bismarck, North Dakota.